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Wednesday, 3 October 2018


~Jessica's picture
My life is going down the drain so fast and I know it.
How did I get back here?. How did I find myself in the same situation that I was in 10 years ago? How is he here? Why is he Ashley's dad? How did I not see this coming? So many unanswered questions with no one to answer them but me and I couldn't even come up with an answer for one of them.
Nathan is back and to top it all he is Ashley's father. How did I not see this coming. So he married after me. I would be lying if I say it didn't hurt because it did. It stung like hell.
So it was that easy for him to forget me, forget what we had, forget what his friends did to me, forget how they hurt me and just move on with his life. He is really a heartless devil.
I couldn't hate the fact that he got married even though I wanted to. That marriage gave birth to Ashley and I couldn't hate her. She had already warmed her way into my heart with her cuteness, her angelic little voice and bubbly nature.
I hate the situation I am in right now. When you think everything's getting better and there might be hope for a better future one event just comes in and everything you've worked for and tried so hard to achieve just come crashing in front if you. Such a cruel world we're in.
"Lisa you better open this door and come out right now or I'm calling 911"
"You've been cooped up in your room for the past three days. I have no clue as to what's going on and I'm supposed to be your friend. Please come out... Please" Sandra called out to me her voice cracking as she begged me to come out.
I felt bad that she had to suffer with me but I couldn't seem to let her in. I needed to deal with this myself. I needed space to cry alone. I didn't want her pity for now. Maybe later I'd need support but not now. I just want to be alone and cry myself to sleep everyday till there's no more tears left in me.
I've been in my room for the past three days. I called in sick at the hospital which wasn't so hard to believe since my voice already sounded weak and cracked from crying so much. I haven't eaten anything I couldn't eat anything. I didn't have appetite for food. I only drank water from the bathroom. On top of it all I was battling with ulcer.
I also stopped taking my pills which would be the most stupid idea as the nightmares hit me three times worse than before. They were so bad I cried in my sleep. He did this. He brought them back. Seems like I am in the category of people meant to suffer; I thought to myself.
"Lisa you had better come out now or I'm calling your mom. How do I know you're still alive in there? For chrissakes you haven't eaten anything. Do you want to kill yourself." Sandra went on outside but what caught my attention was when she said she'd call my mom.
I knew she could do it and I couldn't let that happen. My mom didn't know about the Nathan issue. I didn't tell her and if she found out I had been crying she'd show up at my door and demand to know what's going on and I'd have no choice but to tell her everything from the beginning and I wasn't ready for that.
"Can you stop yelling please you're giving me a headache."my voice came out as a whisper as I opened my door for Sandra to come in. I guess she heard me because she looked up in shock and quickly stepped into the room as if the passage was on fire and my room was the fire exit. It was funny and if it were another day I'd have laughed but not today. Really not today.
"Oh my... You look like the walking dead. What's wrong with you? Why would you lock yourself up?"
"Sandra if you came in here to yell at me you may as well leave. I'm having enough problems already I don't need you to add to it." I told her not caring if I sounded rude. I didn't care about anything right now.

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