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Friday, 5 October 2018


"I'm sorry. I was just worried. What's going on Lisa? Please talk to me don't shut me out." She told me and I started crying all over again. I couldn't keep it in. It was like I had no control over my eyes.
She hugged me and cooed at me like a baby. "Don't cry. I'm here for you. You can tell me and I promise not to judge you."
Can I tell her? No one knew except my therapist. Can I do it? Its my therapist job to keep her mouth shut and my story confidential. I mean that's why I pay her but not Sandra. If I tell her now she could go out and tell anybody. But I guess I have to tell someone. I couldn't bottle it up anymore. Its killing me slowly.
I cleared my throat before I started, making up my mind to tell her. At least I owe her that much after locking her out for three days and leaving her to worry if I was dead or still breathing.
"Sandra I need to tell you something that I've kept to myself for years. Just promise me you wouldn't judge me."
"Why would I ever judge you. I won't ever I promise."
Then I started my story. I told her everything that happened at the party that fateful night. I told her what Nathan's friends did to me, how Nathan didn't help me, why I moved, about my therapist. I told her about my nightmares. How long I've been battling with them. I told her everything and left nothing out. It felt good to let it out but I started to panic when she just stared at me blankly.
"Sandra please say something." I told her fear written all over my face. She didn't reply.
"Please anything." I repeated on the brink of tears.
Then she exploded and started crying.
"Oh Lisa I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say right now. You mean they did that to you. Why didn't you tell the police..." She went on and on hugging me tightly to herself squeezing the air out of me.
"I couldn't even tell my mom. What makes you think I'd have talked to the police. I was closed off from everything and everyone for a long time."
"I'm so sorry Lisa. I didn't know. But if I may ask how does that have to do with why you're crying."
"He's back..." I told her.
"Who's back?" She asked her brows furrowing in confusion.
"Nathan. he's back and he's the dad to the little girl I told you about. I literally had a panic attack when I saw him and then he called my name and everything came back to me. He brought back the memories." I explained to her letting out a sad and tired sigh.
"Oh my God... You mean he's Ashley's dad. So he's married. The heartless bastard." She said in a scornful tone.
That was exactly the same thing I called him. I hated the fact he got married but I couldn't hate the product of the marriage. Ashley.
We talked more till it got dark and we didn't even notice. We probably wouldn't have stopped if not for my grumbling stomach that interrupted our conversation. I checked my bedside clock and noted the time was past 7.
"Come on get up. We're going out to eat." Lisa told me standing up from my bed.
"Why?" I don't feel like leaving my room for the next 50 years. Okay I'm exaggerating but I really don't feel like leaving my room today.
"You're hungry. Its as obvious as day. I mean you haven't eaten for the past three days and there's nothing in this house worthy enough to feed that kind of stomach." She told me.
"Now get up." She added with a glare. I got up from the bed and rolled my eyes at her. I hated the times when she played mom on me.
We got ready and thirty minutes later we locked the door and headed for the elevator to get to the ground floor. We took a taxi seeing as we weren't in the right emotional state to do anything most especially me.
She directed the driver to my favorite restaurant which was a short distance from my house. Leave it to Sandra to do these things for me. I smiled for the first time in three days. It wasn't a bad idea telling her after all.
"Get out." She said opening my door and giving me a side look.
"Chill sandy you don't have to yell. I'll follow you. Its my favorite restaurant remember. And you can drop the 'mommy' act now. Thank you very much" I told her with a faint smile walking past her towards the entrance. I could just imagine the wide grin she had on her face right now.
We got settled and a waiter came up to us shortly after to take our order. We both ordered a bottle of water first and when she came back with it we ordered our food and when it came we ate in silence. It was a comfortable kind of silence not the awkward tension-filled kind.
"So..." She started over dessert. I looked up at her and she continued.
"... What are you going to do? You can't stay at home forever you have to go back to work next week Monday."
"I really don't know Sandy. Ashley wouldn't be discharged till after two more weeks and I'm her personal nurse so I'd have to see him again. I really don't know what I'd do if I come face to face with him again." I told her thinking of how messed up this situation was.
Her face lit up "or you could ask to be reassigned." She offered as a suggestion.
"I know but we've grown so attached to one another I couldn't do it. She'd be sad." Sandra's face fell as quickly as it lit up.
"I'll just resume back on Monday and face whatever is thrown at me." I added with a small smile. She smiled back sadly.
We paid for our dinner and exited the restaurant. We decided to walk home since it wasn't so far and we both had food in our stomachs to hold us.
We walked side by side and engaged in small talk.
"You mean you asked the cute doctor out? What did you say his name is again." She asked me laughing loudly.
"Stop laughing you're embarrassing me." I told her feeling my cheeks hot. I was probably red as a tomato from blushing.
"Sorry but did you really do it?"
"His name is Andre for the fifth time and yes it just kinda came out. I clearly wasn't thinking."
"But you have to keep your promise and better make it one hell of a date to leave a lasting impression." She winked at me.
I rolled my eyes at her. By the time we got to my apartment I was so tired and I didn't feel like crying anymore. I got into the shower and took a bath. It felt so good after three days of no shower. Don't judge me you know why.
I got into bed after a long shower and I was already falling asleep when I felt my bed lower beside me and Sandra lay at my back cuddling up to me. She held me tightly and assured me that she would always be there for me if I needed her and she would help chase away the horrible nightmares.
I was so thankful I had her. I don't think I would ever stop thanking God for this one friend he gave to me. To me she was like a hundred different people in one. I didn't need more friends I had Sandra. She was a total package.
I could hear Sandra snore behind me. I thought about what I was going to face at work when I resumed on Monday till I fell asleep.

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